Fools' Ebony, Part the Threeth                                  Frincheps                                                       naughty                                                                                            )	 H  z        >
              N  }    ,"  h$  &  *  v,  ~.  0  2      Fools' Ebony,  Part the  Threeth           Dramatis Personae   Prologue The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal Komon, A Priest of Akatosh Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh Epilogue Stete, A Priest of Julianos Raic, Another Priest of Julianos Shub, A Mage Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name Nephron, A Somewhat Sleazy Merchant 5 Armorers Ortho Crunn, Husband of Millie A Lusty Contessa Millie, Innkeep and Philosopher Gurnsey, Bovine Wench Assorted Wenches and Cads of the Taverns Soldiers Dwarves Giants     Part The Threeth - In The Mages' Guild, One                    to Three Days Later   (Enter Prologue)   Prologue:   We are now at the halfway point of             of our disjointed epic. If you are       just arriving, you have missed       little. The Adventurer, our rogue       Dark Elf, has joined with a       quadripartite (that's a triumvirate       plus one) of priests intent on       discovering a burning metal called       Fools' Ebony and becoming wealthy.       The priests have given our hero       some gold for bribing merchants,       but the only people who know where       the Fools' Ebony is are the mages       of the Mages' Guild. As the Epilogue       pointed out at the end of Part the       Twoth, there is no such thing as       Fools' Ebony and real Ebony is not       mined. Something our playwrite       apparently did not research. Well,       accept it as high fantasy, if you       will. Or whatever. Hark, here       comes our hero now. Imagine the       miasma (if that's the word I want)       of magical elixirs, bubbling       cauldrons, hovering balls of       sparkling whatnot. And now, the       Prologue must depart.   (Enter the Adventurer and Shub)   Adventurer: Ho! Anyone around?   Shub:       Over here, young man, in the             corner ...        Adventurer: Morning. Do I call you ...             Shub ..?       Shub:       Oh yes, Shub is my name, Shub it             is ... How on Tamriel did you       know?   Adventurer: Can we have some ... privacy ...             I have a somewhat ... er ...                   delicate matter to discuss ..?   Shub:       No need for privacy here! We Mages do             not hide anything!   Adventurer: Fools' Ebony?   Shub:       Quick through this door ..!             Turn right ...       Turn left ...             Ah ... just let me throw a privacy       spell around us ...   (Loud zap sounds) (Enter Shub)               Good! Now Sir -- Oh, by the way, meet       my fellow Mage, Shub.   Shub:       Mmmm.   Shub:       Now, you mentioned Fools' Ebony ..?   Adventurer: Well, I fancy myself a bit of an             expert in ebony. Had quite a bit come       and go through my hands in my time, I             have ...   Shub:       We notice that you have an ebony             amulet, and an ebony katana -- Of       Lightning, no less!  And an ebony       belt ...       ...mmmm...   Adventurer: Hands off the toys, gentlemen,             please!   Shub:       Forgive us -- but we so appreciate             such fine items ...   Shub:       ... collect them too ...   Adventurer: Well, the other day, just by chance             of course, I just happened to hear       two priests of the Temple of ... er       ... Stendarr, I think it was ...  They       were a bit high in their cups, I       think, a bit loud, and never noticed       me skulking -- I mean, standing --       there. They were going on about this       Fools' Ebony - stuff like the real             thing, only no magicka at all. None.             But it burns like wood, only longer,       hotter, no smoke, nice even heat.   Shub:       Yes ... we have heard similar rumors.             Seen a bit of that stuff -- lumps       from a sack or two that some crazed             delver dragged up, that kind of thing.       Right, Shub?   Shub:       Oh - Oh yes, right, that kind of             thing ... right ...       (aside)       I must remember to keep the secret,       whatever it is.   Adventurer: Well, these fool priests seemed to             talk as if they knew a location for             lots, I mean piles, of that stuff --       somewhere up in the Wrothgarians ...   Shub and Shub (Together): Where! Who!  Did they say? How? When?             Where?   Shub:       You didn't let them know you were             listening, did you?   Adventurer: Of course not! What do you take me for,             a priest lover?   Shub:       Calm yourself, my lord ... that's             better...just don't go fiddling with       that katana so much. Makes us nervous.   Shub:       Yes, nervous, very ...   Shub:       Here, sit down.               There. Want some mulled wine?               No? Oh well, just have to finish it       myself.   Shub:       So they seemed to know the location.             (aside)             Hmmmm. This means we have to act fast,       quickly, speedily, and with great       rapidity.   Adventurer: Oh yes! They were talking like they             were going to get a load in a few       weeks or so ...   Shub:       Oh My! Oh Dear Me! Ohhh...   Shub:       Now then. Seems you know a fair amount             about this Fools' Ebony.  And you       realize the potential -- just think,       big warm fires in all our study rooms ...   Shub and Shub (Together): ... Selling it to the Palace... selling             it to those stupid Alchemists ... the       Armorer's Guild would be good for a lot ...              ... keep out familiars nice and warm ...             ... and our posteriors ..! ... just think       how Daedra Seducers love a nice warm       fire ... Giving smoldering lumps to the       peasants to warm their hovels with -- in       return for some gold, of course ...    Shub:       ...just think of all that gold...   Shub:       Trouble is, son - we would like to get that             stuff by the cartload, bring it down here ...   Shub:       Have some trustworthy merchant ...    Shub:       Put a spell on him!   Shub:       ... Have some merchant act as sort of,             middleman, for us ...        Adventurer: But ... then why the delay, gentlemen?   Shub:       You seem like an honest fellow.  We'll             tell you -- mind you, you let out a word       of this, and there will be a Fire Daedra       in your bed ... but no threats between       gentlemen, right!   Adventurer: Very well -- I shall be the very soul             of discretion.   Shub:       You see, we know where the stuff it,             cartloads and cartloads of it.  But we       can't get there and back ...   Shub:       We are not the outdoorsy types.   Shub:       Far safer here in town.   Shub:       Much warmer too.   Shub:       Think of all the supplies we would             have to take.   Shub:       All those nasty things out there.   Shub:       Did you know that seducers won't come             to us in the wilderness?   Shub:       We'd have to hire guards, to keep             those awful priests away.   Shub:       And the strain of dealing with all             those coarse types ... the       Merchants.   Shub:       The Armorers.   Shub:       The Royals.   Adventurer: Mmm. I think I comprehend.  You want             some -- experienced explorer-hero type,       someone used to the wilderness -- to go             get it for you, set up a supply line,       so on ..?   Shub:       Exactly. And find us a nice, useable             merchant.  Someone we can control.    Shub:       With a big, big warehouse, delivery             service, that kind of thing ...   Adventurer: Well, gentlemen. Let me volunteer my             services! I have always admired you Mage       gentlemen -- so clever, so sharp. No       fooling you in anything, is there?   Shub:       No, no fooling us ...   (Enter Prologue)   Prologue:   This, ladies and gentlemen, is irony.   (Exit Prologue)         Adventurer: Tell you what, I can probably arrange             a suitable merchant or you. Take some       gold though -- those thieves know the             value of a gold piece! As luck would       have it, my last gold was swindled off             me by a thieving priest, in some       little town south of here. And I lost       a lot of good stuff in a shipwreck       just before that ...   Shub:       Well ... since you have agreed to             help us ... we can spare some gold       from the treasury, can't we, Shub?   Shub:       Oh! Oh yes, lots there ... always             make more ...   Adventurer: Now, I do need to know roughly where             this site is, got to pick the right       breed of horse, calculate my supplies       to the last drop, figure out what       weapons I might need ... supplies,       like food, little things like that       ... diameter of the cart wheels in       square yurts ... ambush points for       the priests, in case they try to get       up there ... mmmmm ...   Shub:       Tell you what - here is 500 gold. Go             get things started.   Shub:       Yes ... we can always make some more.   Shub:       (aside, to Shub)             Shut up!   (Shub fires a spell at Shub that burns him to a cinder and then reconstitutes him)               (to all)             Excuse us ... where was I ... Oh ...             get a merchant, guards, carts, whatever       you think it will take. Come back if       you need more.   Shub:       But what about those priests?   Adventurer: I've an idea or two there. Let me             get friendly with them - maybe hire             a couple of good lamppost girls, lay             in a few cases of holy wine ... I'll             have them eating out of my hand in             no time. And if you show me where             this Fools' Ebony is ... why, I can             misdirect them, send them straight       into an trolls' den or something.   Shub:       You're the expert!  Here, let me show             you on a map ... and I don't need to       mention Fire Daedras, do I?   Adventurer: So ... seems to be ... hmmmm ... only             thirty days there, this time of year.             Maybe forty back, with the loads. Let       me study this a bit more ...   Shub:       Can't take it with you, of course ...             don't want this getting out now ...   Adventurer: Oh no. That's fine.  Look, let me             have a bit more gold. Going to need       some heavy-duty carts. See here, this             section ... cut by all these washes       ... hmmmm ... the flummox there will       be something terrible ... Oh, and             these ruins, full of ghosts, I bet       ... hmmmm ... and this pass, just full       of willies too ...   Shub:       If you say so ... My, seems that we             picked the right man, right, Shub!   Shub:       Oh yes, indeed.   Adventurer: So -- why don't I make arrangements,             get back to you in ... er ... say a       week?             Say -- sure that you don't want to       come with me. After all, there's       nothing like the wilderness life.       Waking up with the sun, shaking off       the frost. Catching an orc for              breakfast - ever have orc guts       fried over stinkwood? Oh, that's a       treat! Checking each stream for       dead giant spiders - or live ones!       Imp jerky for lunch! Scanning the       ridges for dragonlings! Standing       guard against Ice Daedra in a       blinding snowstorm! Oh, what a life!   Shub and Shub (Together): No, no ... we, we better stay here             at the Guild. Got our duties after       all ... someones got to mind the       store ... someones got to get the       word out to selected customers ...             No, thank you kind Sir, it does       sound such a lovely life, but I       think we best be here ... yes,       indeed ...   Adventurer: A pity, gentlemen. Well, I'll be             about it then. And don't worry if       you see me with those priests --       got to mislead and misdirect them,       haven't I!   Shub:       One week, then!   (Exeunt Shub, the Adventurer, and Shub) (Enter Epilogue)   Epilogue:   Shub and Shub, ladies and gentlemen.             Implausibly retarded mages, yes, but       perhaps there's something more to       them than this act suggests. Do you       think so, maybe? Well, if you are       not in the theater for Part the       Fourth, you won't know for certain,       will you? Don't forget to tip your       wenches and think on that while we       change the set.   So Endeth Part the Three   